Not many of you know that, during the early 90s, I was one of the founding members of House of Pain. (I was the one with the shaved head and tattoos.) It was an amazing time, but, when we were done jumping around, we all went our separate ways. Before becoming a world renown blogger and international sex symbol, I wrote and recorded a solo album. Because of some political back room music industry dealings, that album was never released. Some said it was because it was too romantic. They thought our fanbase couldn’t adjust.
And maybe they couldn’t.
It has taken me this long to talk about it. But, finally, I feel like I can share.
This was to be the first single. It’s a love song. I hope that you enjoy it.
I had only just seen you
when I knew I was sold
With eyes like the Caribbean
and hair like spun gold.
A smile I could see from miles
you were wearing the hell out of that dress
You said you most valued honesty
So, I have something I want to confess…
I want to put it in your butt!
Please, don’t look so confused.
I’m not telling you a riddle
Baby, it isn’t my fault
That I enjoy a spelunking a little.
Trust me, it’s no longer taboo.
People do it every day.
You might just enjoy it
It’s good enough for Anne Hathaway…
I want to slide it in your bum!
Anything new is scary,
I know how that feels.
But, you can get used to it,
It’s like walking in heels.
Not sure why I feel this
Or what is the cause
Perhaps I can blame
watching too much “Oz.”
I want to slam you in the arse!
This is the truth,
Love isn’t always like fables.
But, if you balk at this,
What’ll you do, when I pull out the jumper cables?
Edit to add: Oopsie! Apparently it ISN’T good enough for Anne Hathaway. Hmm. Yeah. Wanna rent a movie instead?