Do you know what I want for Christmas?
I want to meet her.
You know… HER.
I want her to be ready to meet me.
I want to be knocked on my ass.
I want to be completely bummed when I get call or text and it isn’t her.
I want the world to feel more electric because I know that she is in it.
I want her to worry about her family, and my family, and the families of strangers,
And to hope that they are having wonderful holiday seasons.
I want her to be tough when she has to be.
But, soft when she can’t help but be.
I want her to call me out when I need it.
I want that to somehow still feel like love.
I want to not always have to say things.
I want her to just know.
You know?
I want her to know who she is,
and to be happy with that.
I want her to know who I am,
and to (miraculously) be happy with that.
I want not to fuck it up.
I really want that.
I want her to not be completely aware of how awesome she is.
I want to tell her. Often.
Yeah, I want HER for Christmas.
Oh wait…
Scratch that.
I want one of those cute little iPod Nanos with video instead.

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29 Responses

  1. Miriam says:

    What if she came packaged with the ipod?

  2. Jess says:

    Just make sure to get the Nano in purple!

  3. Hope says:

    This made me smile.

    “I want her to just know,
    you know?”

    I know!

  4. Damsel in Digress says:

    found you through … well i’m sure i could pin one blog down but you seem to be highly recommended on many the blog so yeah. that.

    awesome post. definitely cracked a smile on my face! my very sick – doesn’t want to be at work again when she’s so, so sick and did she mention she’s sick? – face.

    and i second miriam. the girl and the ipod. maybe she could even, you know, color-coordinate.. yes? i think it works.

    – damsel in digress

  5. mindy says:

    You are so immature. Sheesh.

  6. distracted spunk says:

    I’m disappointed. I was waiting for the “her” to be a pet. Or a comic. Or something else. But a real live human being girl? What the hey, Peter, what the hey.

  7. each of the two says:

    well, now i kinda want to BE her.

    (that is not supposed to sound creepy or stalky, you are a cool cat and i hope you DO meet her)

    (my boss just got a free ipod nano video, had no idea how to use it, wants to give it away, hopefully to me)

    (just sayin)

  8. Peter says:

    miriam: NOW we are on to something.

    jess: I was leaning towards black.

    hope: You know!

    damsel in digress: Welcome! Thanks for dropping in. And feel better.

    mindy: I knoooooooooow. I can’t help it. Well, I probably could. But, that sounds like it could involve a lot of effort.

    distracted spunk: I like to be a little unpredictable, even in my predictability.

    each of the two: Who is your boss? Mr. Slate?

  9. Molly says:

    Oh booo. I was all awwww until the end.

    Shakes fist at Peter and grrrs.

  10. Peter says:

    molly: “grrrs” hee hee Oh, you had to know that I was going to be a pain in the ass and ruin it at some point.

  11. Susie says:

    Haha funnnny, but I totally feel the same way. Yeahh, it would be great to find HIM, but then again, I really do want a new iPod. And I think I’d choose that over HIM. Is that so wrong?

  12. STP says:

    Well, when you fine HER…could you please make sure she has a brother for ME? Mkay? Great, thanks!

  13. mcgee says:

    what you met “her” AND she gave you a nano w/ video for christmas?

    perfect yes?

    i hope you find her…but she’ll be lucky too to find you. this was great.

  14. Peter says:

    susie: I don’t think that is even a little bit wrong. I got your back on this one.

    stp: I’ll see what I can do.

    mcgee: Aww. Thanks. And if I do find her, I’ll probably leave out the part about me being willing to trade her ass for an iPod.

  15. Miss Pickle says:


    You sure know how to make a girl smile!

    I’m kinda hoping for the same thing…him AND the ipod. Hehe.

  16. DanjerusKurves says:

    I *am* her … just not *your* her … do you happen to know where my HIM might be? Start with “you sure as hell won’t find HIM in Houston, Texass”.

  17. jamelah says:

    Really, the iPod is such a good choice. You can carry it with you and it will play your favorite songs. Will she do that? No. Come on.

  18. Coal Miner's Granddaughter says:

    Yep, lower those standards, buddy! Opt out of the flesh and blood for the wires and Apple logo. Pussy.

  19. srah says:

    That was lovely. I held my breath until the end, and fortunately the last line made my breath come out in a little snort, because otherwise I would have died.

  20. Paige Jennifer says:

    It’s posts like this that keep me coming back. I had the same thought process, well except mine was about a him. And then I realized a 3lb laptop would probably be a more deliverable wish.

  21. libby says:

    the iPod is just a front.

    i loved this post!!

  22. Rachel says:

    I just got an iPhone so I can’t rationalize a new iPod just yet.

    But what I really want? HIM.

  23. pinknest says:

    why, because you already have your two front teeth?!

  24. Tia says:

    oooooooooooor the nano.

    nothing but second best will do, eh Peter?

  25. kelsi says:

    everyone wants a HER for xmas. i tend to agree with jamelah – and would also like to point out: the ipod WILL NOT fight with you.

  26. stephanie (bad mom) says:

    Precious (in a good way). I found you via Camikaos; a fortunate link as you are delightful. I might steal this poem for the creative writing class I teach, if you don’t mind. My students are always thrilled when I sanction anything with swearing and/or sexual innuendo in it.

    And so, best of luck with either woman or iPod. I imagine both are fantastic in their own ways.

  27. Michelle and the City says:

    peter, peter, peter.
    that last line always ruins it for me. but oddly enough, makes me laugh every single time.

  28. sybil law says:

    Damn – now I’ll just have to return her!
    You are so fickle!

  29. Peter says:

    miss pickle: A swoon AND a smile? Nice!

    DanjerusKurves: I hear ya. I am reasonably sure that HER is not in Nova Scotia.

    jamelah: PLUS, I can load it up with my favourite TV shows. No contest.

    heather:… did you just call me a pussy?

    srah: I saved your life. I rule!

    paige jennifer: Hmmm. A laptop, eh? Maybe I should have held out for something more expensive?

    libby: Shhhhhh. Don’t be spilling my secrets.

    rachel: On the plus side, dudes love women who are into gadgets. Wave that iPhone around and we’ll be drawn to it.

    pinknest: So far!

    tia: Nope. I can’t give up true love unless I can watch video on a teeny screen.

    kelsi: You raise a valid point. iPods also won’t fight you for the remote control.

    stephanie: Thanks so much. You want to use something I wrote for a class? Of course you are more than welcome to. This is an actual school? You don’t just drive around in a cube van?

    michelle: I can’t let people think that I’m a romantic. Sheeesh.

    sybil: Hang on now. Let’s not be hasty. Is she cuuuuute?

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