Can eyeballs sweat?

This is a real conversation that I had recently:

Oven timer: Beep beep beep!

Peter: I hear you.

Oven timer: Beep beep beep!

Peter: Yeah, one second.

Oven timer: Beep beep beep!

Peter: Shut the fuck up.

Oven timer: Beep beep beep!

Peter: I am so trading your ass for a sun dial.

*Please note that while Peter is not a professional meteorologist, he feels that he can say, without fear of exaggeration, that it is 9 million degrees in Peteville. Peter no function well heat with. Peter almost spelled it “fuction.” Peter will probably not blog anymore until the temperatures get back to a reasonable level.

**Peter, however, doesn’t want you to take this lack of blogging as the absence of love. Peter loves you all. Peter even loves those of you that he hates. Because Peter loves to hate. Yet, he hates to love. Hmm.

***Peter would like to remind you that any comments made by Hot Peter are not necessarily those of Normal Temperature Peter, PeterDeWolf.com or the Hearst Corporation.

**** The Hearst Corporation would like to remind you that they have absolutely no affiliation with Peter… though they also hate the oppressive fucking heat.

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  1. brandy says:

    I’m pretty sure oven makers modeled that high pitched ‘beep’ directly on my ex-boyfriends mother. Her voice gave me the exact same reaction. Hope the heat doesn’t kill you.

  2. Stefanie says:

    I have had that exact same conversation with my oven timer more than once as well. Perfectly normal, I say.

  3. Scottsdale Girl says:

    Do not talk to me about heat. Srsly. And if you try and pull the humidity card I will kick you in the nads.

  4. Scottsdale Girl says:

    See how the heat makes me cranky?

  5. Peter says:

    brandy: She doesn’t sound at all delightful. Yay for the “ex” part.

    stefanie: That’s a relief. I am also cursing my ceiling fans for not bringing their A game.

    scottsdale girl: I don’t think that I’d like a kick in the nads. It is 90 of your American degrees. I am ill-equipped for that. Plus, the humi–

  6. kelsi says:

    seri. ous. ly.
    i can hear my houseplants whining little high-pitched death moans because it’s so fricking hot.
    it’s not good for anybody.
    but hey, congrats on not belonging to the hearst corporation.

  7. Steph says:

    My washing machine beeps and I usually say “STFU mofo!” and throw stuff at it, rather than get up and turn it off. *sigh*

    Hope your eyeballs cool down soon.

  8. Matt DeBenedictis says:

    when the temperature rises beyond beyond any form of comfortability there is nothing left to do but begin the war against machines. Great post.

  9. HAR says:

    Just found this site by way of BRM.

    Funny post. Hope your air is working.

  10. Airam says:

    Come back soon Peter! I hope the heat doesn’t melt you into a gooey blob.

  11. Amber says:

    I recently “moved” to California… more like an extended vacation of however long I feel like it. And it’s been running 105 – 110 degrees Farenheit. With 10 to 15% humidity.

    Which explains why I’ve been doing pretty much nothing except lounging in the pool, working on my tan, and working on not DYING from the heat.

    So just how hot is hot in Peteville?

    Inquiring minds want to know!

  12. janbee88 says:

    Ahhh. The end of July. When summer starts to be a real pain in the ass. We feel your pain. Hang in there.

  13. Scottsdale Girl says:

    I heard “90 of your AMerican degrees” in a french accent. why is that?

  14. Peter says:

    kelsi: Thanks! I think I’d swear at noisy houseplants much like I do at oven timers.

    steph: Throwing stuff at it… I like it.

    throwingroses: I like your plan… though I fear that Michael Bay would want to direct the film version of my war.

    har: Thanks! It has cooled down some. Mugginess is still pretty gross.

    airam: The heat took me down for a bit. But, I am trying to mount a comeback.

    amber: It was 103 the other day! Dude… Nova Scotians are not wired for that.

    janbee: Thanks. I said the words “I am looking forward to snow” earlier today.

    scottsdale girl: Ack! I don’t have a French accent!

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