But, how did they meet?

Here is another in the continuing series called, “How does Peter’s mind work?” Or maybe it’s the first in the series. I don’t know. I can’t keep track of all of my various to’ings and fro’ings around here. Regardless…

I am working on a screenplay right now. And I am trying to figure out the back story for our happy couple. So, I sat down with a pad of paper and a pen. At the top of the first page I wrote, “But, how did they meet?”

What follows is what I quickly churned out. (That doesn’t mean that this will ever be included in anything, of course.)

This probably explains why I have thousands of handwritten pages of notes in my bedroom collecting dust.

—-

Brandon excuses himself from the table and makes his way over to the bar.

Brandon: (to the bartender) Two whiskey sours and a shot of tequila, please.

Brandon loosens his tie and unbuttons his top button. As his drinks arrive in front of him, he notices a gorgeous brunette sitting with a friend next to him. He smiles. She smiles back. He downs the tequila and quickly makes the “one more” sign to the bartender.

Brunette: Good date?

The second tequila arrives and Brandon shoots that down too.

Brandon: It’s been… interesting.

Brunette: First date?

Brandon: Blind date, even.

Brunette: Ouch.

Brandon: I suspect that at some point doctors removed her spleen so that there’d be more space to fit all of that evil into her.

Brunette: This is Gina. I’m Melissa.

Brandon: Hi Gina. Melissa. I’m Brandon. So, what are you ladies up to tonight?

Melissa: We’re on our way to a boring work party. Want to come?

Brandon: More than you could ever imagine. Wait… you don’t work in a meth lab do you? Screw it. Nevermind. Let it be a surprise.

Melissa: What about your date?

Brandon: Oh yeah… One sec. I’ll handle it.

Brandon walks over to the heavily made up blonde at the table. He passes her two drinks and then salutes her and walks back to the bar.

Brandon: OK. Let’s roll.

Melissa: What did you say to her?

Brandon: I told her that I left my herpes meds at home.

Gina: That would have worked on me.

Brandon: I was kidding… I have my Valtrex in my pocket.

Melissa and Gina look at each other eyes-bulgingly and start towards the door.

Brandon: Kidding! I’m kidding. I only know “Valtrex” from the TV ads. Seriously! (Beat.) Hey, wait up!

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  1. raffi says:

    funnnay

    i think the next scene should be a menage a trois in the backseat of a cab while in route to a methlab party serving valtrex

  2. Airam says:

    “I left my herpes meds at home”

    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I’m so using that line! I love it! Will I be getting an invite to the opening of your movie?

  3. sybil law says:

    It’s really good, except every Melissa I know is a complete wingnut. :)

  4. STP says:

    If this doesn’t make it into the final draft, I’ll be disappointed…but I’m you’re used to that by now.

    bada-bing!

  5. Hellafied says:

    I only wrote one screenplay. Yours is infinitely better in one scene than mine was the entire play.

    Nice work!

  6. Peter says:

    raffi: Thanks! And that IS a good idea.

    airam: Sure! Do I get credit if you scare off guys with the herpes? Of course, used that way, FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF deserves credit.

    sybil: I just happened to see the name on Facebook. I suck at picking names!

    stp: Did I just get zinged? I feel like I got zinged!

    hellafied: Thanks so much! However, today I wrote a little romantic flatulence scene. I suspect that it lowered the bar.

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