been acting like a bitch, yo.

Can you guess which topic rocked the vote yesterday? That’s right…

“What if I wrote this post as an angry white rapper… suckas.”

Why do you all hate me?

Okay, here are the ground rules. I am just going to sit down and type whatever comes into my head. The only thing I have planned is to make it a diss track against for being on the fritz yesterday.

This is going to be painful.

Son, here is my glock/
‘n here comes my spiel/
You better pay attention/
‘Cause this shit is for real/
I ain’t Clara Peller/
You know where my beef is/
I better not hear no Richie Cunningham/
“Oh, sorry. Gee whiz.”/
‘Cause this IS a throwdown/
And I AM constructing it/
You weren’t actin’ right/
Now you’re gonna get hit/
When it comes to all this mess/
I’m just like Nostradamus/
You be out there running scared/
I’m with Luda in the Bahamas./
You think you my only option/
Come on, bitch, please…./
I make one call/
Typepad be here on her knees./
You ain’t Rick James/
And I ain’t a bitch./
You are hiding out/
While I’m getting rich./
Don’t try denyin’/
I’m like a Supernova/
Think about steppin’ to me/
And this shit’ll be over/
I’ll take your woman/
And lay her in the clover/
I’ll bust her cherry/
I’ll fertilize her egg/
I’ll put on my trackpants/
And LL Cool J one leg/
Even in a dream, boy/
You better treat me good./
From when you close your eyes/
Until your morning wood./
I am the ruler/
I run this place/
Update my blog properly/
Or I’ll bust you in the face.

Wow. That wasn’t pretty.

The things I do for you people.

Still, you gotta give me a little love for the “glockenspiel” opening.

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  1. jen says:

    you’re a good rapper.

  2. Peter says:

    jen: I wondered if you’d bring it up. So are you, despite all those hurtful things I said. :P

  3. treespotter says:

    i’m disappointed. crushed and disappointed to be exact.

  4. judi says:

    i LOVED the glockenspiel nod. looooved it!

  5. Peter says:

    treespotter: You better watch out, or my next one will be directed at you. hee hee

    judi: Yay! I’m guessing it may be the first time it was used in a “rap” song.

  6. James Cooper says:

    Ah, Peter, you do my shriveled black heart good to hear such sentiments against blogger.

  7. Kukka-Maria says:

    Let’s go in order (sequential, not of importance):

    1. Disappointed you went with, “Why DO you all hate me?” I would have loved to see a bit of, “Why you bitches be hatin’?”

    2. Loved the glock. Could have done without the spiel…no, on second thought, had to have it. Made me think of first grade and our winter “concert.”

    3. Clara Peller? Sad that I got the reference before I read about your beef. Damn pop culture trivia has invaded my brain!

    4. LL Cool J-in’ the leg of your track pants? Exquisite.

  8. Erika says:

    Poor little redheaded Ritchie Cunningham. He didn’t deserve to go out like that.

  9. Peter says:

    james: blogger has been behaving better since my rap. Coincidence?

    k-m: I wanted to go a little old school with the Cool J reference. You gotta respect the artists that came before you.

    erika: When I’m on the mic, you just never know who I’ll target.

  10. brandy says:

    My life just got made.

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