The ACN starts school today. It is her first day of grade primary/kindergarten (aka “big girl school.”) She is very excited. She squealed with delight whenever I asked her about it.
Oh, and I may have a stroke.
I know that this is such a huge and awesome day. Logically. But, I am stressed out of my mind.
She’s just so little and defenseless, and the world is so big and (sometimes) yucky.
I still sometimes see her as that little, tiny baby in the incubator.
But, she is big now. And very smart. And this is going to be so good for her. She LOVES kids. She loves activities. She should really, really adore school, as she did daycare.
Plus, people fall in love with her when they meet her. She makes friends like no one I’ve ever seen. My sister and the ACN were grocery shopping one day and a stranger walked up to them. The woman asked, “Is this [the ACN]?” My sister was confused, but nodded. The woman continued, “My son is in daycare with her. He talks about her ALL the time. He says she has pretty hair.”
Another little boy at daycare used to try to give her hugs and kisses every day as she was leaving. The little girls would get excited to hold her hand when they all went on their walks.
Things like this happen a lot with the ACN. The gruffest, toughest men meet her, she flashes one smile and they are smitten. She’s a bit of a flirt.
Once in a while, my mind goes to bad places. Like kids picking on her. Then I think about driving up there, beating the kid’s family with a bat and burning their house to the ground. I, of course, realize that these are thoughts that I probably should be keeping to myself. But, a few days ago my father was mumbling something about anyone giving her a hard time and he said, “…then I’ll have to go up there and kill them. I’ll go to jail for the rest of my life. It will be a bad scene.”
1) I am probably not adopted.
2) We may be a tad protective.
I shouldn’t let these thoughts in, I know. The ACN is insanely loveable, and will have one-on-one supervision at all times. She is going to thrive.
Whenever I talked to her about “big girl school,” I acted nothing but excited. Of course, she made it easier by being so excited herself.
This is a good thing, Peter.
I feel guilty for letting negatives come into my head on such a milestone occasion.
When I stood by that incubator for the first time, I prayed so hard for days like this. So hard. That she’d get the chance to experience things that most families take for granted.
And I couldn’t be more thankful. Truly.
She fought even harder to get here.
She’ll always be my hero.
We like that.