Another snippet from something else…

Brandon and Melissa haven’t been dating for very long. Let’s say… three months. She is having some serious health issues. The treatment she is undergoing is causing some stomach…. yuckies. And she is pretty miserable, and stressed, in general.

Melissa is sleeping in the bed. Brandon is sleeping on the floor next to the bed.

It is pretty late. The apartment is very silent.

Melissa has a release of flatulence, with a sheer intensity that you usually only read about in books.

Melissa (frantic whisper): Tell me that you are asleep.

Brandon: I’m asleep.

Melissa: Oh God! OH GOD! You didn’t hear that!

Brandon: I didn’t hear anything.

Melissa: Why?? Why did you have to hear that?

He gets up and kisses her on the forehead.

Brandon: I didn’t hear anything.

Melissa (getting hysterical): I know that you’ve held my hair while I puked, but–

He kisses her forehead again.

Brandon: I didn’t hear anything.

Melissa (crying): You’ll never see me as a woman again.

He kisses her forehead again.

Brandon: I didn’t hear anything.

Melissa: Oh God! I am hyper… ventilating!

He kisses her forehead again.

Brandon: I didn’t hear anything.

Melissa (calming a little): OK. OK. I’m going to be OK. You didn’t hear anything?

Brandon: I didn’t hear anything.

Melissa: We can go to sleep now.

Brandon gets comfy again on the floor.

Melissa (wiping tears from her eyes): That really was kind of loud.

Brandon: It set off a car alarm three blocks away.

0 thoughts on “Another snippet from something else…

  1. Yeah, not going to lie…I’m a sleep farter. Which of course you don’t know about until your significant other (at the time) tells you. Luckily I’m not loud enough to wake myself up. It’s mildly embarassing but at least I know I can’t help it.

  2. Oh for the love of GOD – that was brilliant and just the giggle I needed on a pre-holiday-weekend Friday. I’m mean, no that I can relate (cough cough).

  3. The worst ones are the ones you can’t hear. I have a formidable intestinal issue. When you wake yourself up as well as the person sleeping next to you? That’s bad. I would say that that would be time to go to a doctor, but I have been. No dice.

    I love Brandon.

  4. Oh lord, I did this once in my sleep in front of a boyfriend.

    Its, uh, percussive sound jolted me awake and I was completely startled. He never let me live it down, often telling the story at family dinners.

  5. I hope Melissa realizes that Brandon is a keeper!

    I once farted while my dog was lying next to me and she got up and moved across the room….

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