and so it begins

The Monkey turns 13 next month.

She decided that she deserves a big party.

She’s been talking about it for months.  But, in true Monkey fashion, she only started really planning this week.

Oh!  And months ago she told me I wasn’t allowed anywhere near it. Even after I volunteered to be doorman/bouncer/DJ.

She told me I wasn’t cool enough.

!!!!!!!!!

We all know that isn’t true.

Even when I softened my stance from “No boys!!!!” to “No slow dancing!!!” to “Just leave room for Jesus between you.”

Anyway, she went shopping Friday with two of her aunts and our cousin. (Who is a year older than The Monkey.)

The two girls came home with expensive dresses and shoes.

Apparently she decided that semi-formal is the way to go when you’re hosting a party in the upstairs game room above your garage.

And the best part…  The VERY best part…

She has her aunt working on a RED CARPET, because she feels like she should arrive on one.

I was running errands on Saturday morning and dropped in Chez Monkey.  The first thing I saw was the disco ball one of her aunt’s bought for the party.

Because her aunts are going to be super busy on a big charity event for the next while, I told The Monkey that I would help her with invitations, setting up music playlists or whatever for her party.

Her eyes got big.  She smiled.

“Well…  I do have a job for you.”

I felt a little scared.

She continued, “You’re going to stand outside the door with a guest list.  Oh and you’re going to play a trick on my friend.  I’m going to send her an invitation, but when she arrives you are going to tell her she isn’t on the list and not let her in.”

“I can do that.”

“We’re also going to give them tickets.  And if they go outside and lose their tickets, they can’t come back in.”

“Uhm…  I’m not standing outside for your entire party.”

She thought about this for a while.  I think she was confused as to why I wouldn’t want to do that.  Finally she realized she had bigger things to think about and shrugged it off — while I wondered if I could wear a headset while working the door.

She recapped my job duties.

I said, “If I don’t like the look of some of the boys, can I rough them up a little?”

“Yes.  Wait… what does ‘rough them up’ mean?”

“Push them around a little.  Shake them by the collar.”

“Oh.  Sure.  You can do that.”

And she went back to party planning.

UPDATE: Apparently The Monkey Facebook messaged Melanie to recruit her to be “the official photographer” of the party.  AND The Monkey expects my sister to take a couple hours off work to get here in time for the start of the party.  She was actually a little annoyed that my sister has to work at all, as The Monkey has “lots of jobs” for her.

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23 Responses

  1. Felisa says:

    See, it’s when you don’t know what a 13 year old means when she refers to roughing up people that makes you not cool enough to be on her guest list!

    Although in all honesty? I wouldn’t be cool enough either if I knew the monkey because I had to hold my breath until her clarification there… I’m so relieved that’s what it means.

    • Peter DeWolf says:

      It was me that brought up the roughing up-ing.

      Our coolness battle will continue when picking music for the playlist.

      (I listen to MUCH cooler music.)

      • Felisa says:

        Ohhhh I’m sorry! Totally misread that.

        I say that to my little cousins. Except you must be warned, if the “cool” music you pick out predates them, your coolness goes down quite a bit.

  2. Wendryn says:

    Do you get to wear a security cap to help intimidate the twerps?

    …oh, wait. You can just loom over them a little and they’ll be shaking in their boots. :P

  3. melanie says:

    I’m glad I was cool enough to be part of the whole thing…I will be clicking pics on the red carpet and maybe doing a few interviews ;)

  4. I think you are simply adorable pampering the monkey.. I remember when I turned 13, all I had was a simple slumber party with my friends.. red carpet night sounds so much cooler..

  5. Heather Rose says:

    This little punk is pretty awesome. I have one of them. It’s my best friend’s little sister, my pseudo-little sister. She’s 14 this year, and still likes to come stay weekends with me. I fear when she gets too cool for me. I’ll be heart broken.

    • Peter DeWolf says:

      Our biggest issue is when I try to explain that all these songs she likes are just sampling real songs from the 80s and 90s.

      She doesn’t like it when facts get in the way of her beliefs.

  6. Kara says:

    They grow up so fast. My nephew gets back today from a class trip to Washington DC. (I was in high school before we took a class trip to another state.)

  7. Sue says:

    I never would have thought to do *anything* like this when I turned 13. And I suspect that if I had, my parents would have swatted me and told me to get over myself. :)

    That Monkey’s a lucky one.

  8. Linz says:

    “Leave room for Jesus between you” – too funny, and I just love how she thought you were going to stand outside her party the whole time, but that you wouldn’t be allowed to actually attend.

  9. Monkey is quickly becoming my favorite person ever. She’s right up there with Holden’s sister Phoebe in “Catcher in the Rye.” (That’s a huge compliment, BTW.)

  10. Amanda says:

    I think The Monkey and I have WAY too much in common

  11. Alexia says:

    I wish this kid was in my class! But I think that then I would become a lesser teacher. I’m too cool with the kids as it is. YES, Peter, REALLY. I’m awesome. But you know that already.
    Is the party this weekend? Thank goodness you weren’t working at mine. There was absolutely no room for Jesus there.

    Oh and the little poem came about from me doodling on my friends arm last night. I can just picture my little heart tree. I think it’s very cute. Almost as cute as me.

    I should at least pretend to be modest in public.

  12. this made me giggle.

    denied access!

  13. samdotcom says:

    The Monkey is stellar. She’s gonna be crazy successful. I mean, at 13 she already knows how to work people. Watch out, D Trump.

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