An open letter to the silverfish in my bathroom…
Guys, what the hell? I thought that we had an agreement.
For as long as I can remember, there have been a couple of you lepisma saccharina hanging around. But, as long as you stayed out of my way, I didn’t crack out the borax and get rid of you.
I’d turn on my bathroom light and you would either freeze exactly where you were – as if I couldn’t see you there by the toilet brush holder – or scamper towards some crack or crevice. It worked well.
However, lately you’ve been taking runs at my feet.
I don’t know what has happened that has left you feeling so emboldened. Maybe you were throwing back a few beers (Coors Light – The Silverfish Bullet?) with your homies. Or perhaps you were just trying to impress some hot female silverfish.
I can appreciate those things, but you really should remember a couple of facts; 1) you are a tiny, wingless insect and 2) I have size 12 feet.
Are you picking up what I’m putting down here?
You fellas should not let your mouths write checks that your butts can’t cash.
Do you even have mouths? Or butts for that matter…?
Just stay the fuck out of my way!