actual (and kind of pervy) things you'll find in my archives

“A dream is a wish your penis makes.”

“So, he spent much of his time inventing stuff and having masturbatorial fantasies about President McKinley’s wife.”

“But now that you’ve gone down on everything but the Titanic…”

“You try to make the best of a bad situation, but some days you just can’t drum up the flexibility to love that he-she like the woman he/she wants to be.”

“I promise not to refer to my junk as a “stimulus package” anymore.”

“There is something special in that bond between two men that played a sport together. It is like the bond you get from getting rid of a dead hooker. But, NOT the same kind of bond you get from accidentally crossing swords. I can’t stress that enough people.”

“Listen just because you are paying for sex, it DOESN’T mean that you need to. Sometimes you just want to introduce a goat into the equation without all of the jibber jabber, you know?”

“Top ten pick-up lines that almost never work on women… #10 If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U on my penis…”

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