a pretty good representation of what it’s like to date me

Have you ever met a girl that you tried to date? But a year to make love she wanted you to wait? Let me tell ya a story of my situation I was talkin’ to this girl from the U.S. nation. Hey!”


“Isn’t this the spiffiest-looking thing ever?”

“I’ve literally seen you wear that outfit hundreds of times. And aren’t all of your other outfits prrretty much exactly the same?”

“That’s outrageous! I’m deeply offended, madam.”

“Are you really?”

“I’m not sure. Maybe. But I mean my new phone case!”


“Look at it. Look! Hmmm? Hmmm?”

“It’s powder blue–”

“Baby blue.”

“It’s baby blue with Snoopy–”

“Snoopy doing his Happy Dance.”

“It’s baby blue with Snoopy doing his Happy Dance.”




“I feel like we’re saying the same words, but speaking different languages.”

“It’s awesome is what I’m saying.”

“You’re going to go out in public with that.”

“And how!”


“It’s part of my charm.”

“If you say so.”

“I’m a delight to have around!”

“You have your moments.”

“Like that thing I did in the bedroom the other night. That thing. Remember?”

“When you tossed a bunch of fifteen year old shirts into a garbage bag to clear some closet hangers for me?”

“Exactly! Big Daddy knows how to take care of his lady.”

“What did I tell you about calling yourself Big Daddy?”

“You said, ‘Never call yourself Big Daddy again. Ever. Under any circumstances. You should never call yourself Big Daddy. Now I’m hungry and want some queso.”

“The queso part wasn’t important…”

“You say it a lot.”

“Well. Not THAT often.”

“Will you still love me if I grow a Duck Dynasty beard?”

“A what dynasty who?”

“Man, I love your butt.”

“I know.”

“Booty. Booty. Boooooooty. Best booty ever. Booty!!”

“Thank you?”

(Wanders off) “Oh baby, yoooooooooou, you got what I neeeeeed.





photo credit: Corscri Daje Tutti! [Cristiano Corsini] via photopin cc

4 thoughts on “a pretty good representation of what it’s like to date me

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *