A man's got to know his limitations…

T.S. Eliot once said that “Humankind cannot stand very much reality.”

I got a cold dose of it recently.

There is a big difference between knowing something and knowing something.

And even really knowing something doesn’t always mean that you are willing or inclined to do something about it.

I may have a problem.

I say “may” because I question when something actually becomes a problem. If it only affects me, and I am fine with it, is it really a bad thing?

I know that I don’t exist in a vaccuum.

I get that.

But, why are my issues the business of anyone else?

One person’s “problems” are another person’s “quirks.”

Especially when you are in complete control of this specific quirk. I know people say it all the time, but I really can quit whenever I want.

I don’t NEED to do it, I just enjoy it.

Who the fuck are you to question it?

Like you aren’t living in a glass house.

I guess it just hurts more when you hear it from someone you trust.

That gets your attention.

And it sucks.

It sucks when you realize that no one is buying the lies that you tell them… and yourself.

It feels like there is a fundamental shift in your reality.

And not in a good way.

I’ve been told recently that I have a problem.

I’m apparently addicted…

To blogging about Lauren Graham.

Are you happy now? I said it.

I wouldn’t have believed it except for the fact that I was shown a google search for my name with Lauren Graham’s name.

That was pretty fucking sobering.

I was defensive at first, but some time has passed.

The person who pointed this out to me is an ex-girlfriend, who had to endure 4 years of me talking about Miss Graham, so she may be a tad biased. (And crazy – she wanted me to shave every day!) But, you can’t argue with Google search results.

Bastards.

As I began to wrap my mind around this, I came up with the idea to just start blogging about Scarlett Johannson. Using her as hot blonde methadone. But, I couldn’t bring her into this mess.

So, I’m going cold turkey.

I will need your help though.

If you find me at night, naked, shivering and reciting lines from the episode of “Seinfeld” that LG did, just hold me until the morning comes.

If you catch me on my computer, swearing under my breath as I search frantically for screen caps from the “Gilmore girls’ episode where she was wearing the cute girl glasses, just shut off the pc and drag me out of the room.

This is not going to be easy.

But, I would like to officially begin “The Lauren Graham Embargo of Ought Six.”

She will not be mentioned any more here at PDDC.

I think I may vomit.

It really would be easier to start using Scarlett Johannson, but I have to stay strong.

However, Anne Hathaway has sort of already been grandfathered in.

Hmmmmm…

You may also like...

9 Responses

  1. James Cooper says:

    Don’t do it DeWolf! For god’s sake, Peter, you’re only human! Maybe… maybe a hiatus… but never more?! That’s insanity!

    Perhaps you could just use a codename? You know, like you’d say Scarlett Johannson but we’d all know you meant Lauren Graham.

    Yeah?

  2. Lauren says:

    Hi Peter! I’ll miss you.

    xoxo

    LG

  3. Dave says:

    Hrm. Where does Tiffany T fit into all of this?

  4. Peter says:

    James: I have an addictive personality. If I even leave the door open a bit… So, cold turkey it is. The night sweats have almost stopped.

    lovely and talented actress that I can’t name: If it WAS really you, you’d be fighting for us. Dont deny it.

    Dave: To be honest, Tiffany was just a passing fancy. A nice reminder from days gone by. Though that was an impressing pic of her, eh?

  5. Dave says:

    Very impressive. I almost started a petition for the return of Fastlane.

    Okay….maybe not. But yeah….nice.

    But I can sympathize with your dilema regarding She Who Can’t Be Named.

    Now excuse me while I go watch Bad Santa.

  6. Peter says:

    Billy Bob did some terrible things in that movie. Just horrific.

    I’m going to need a moment.

  7. Sara says:

    I just started reading your blog because it was linked from the LA article you did on your other site. Hilarious by the way. Anyway, Lauren is awesome and though I’m a girl, I can’t blame you for your obsession. I might walk if you choose to never mention her again. :P

  8. Peter says:

    Hi Sara!

    Thanks for dropping by.

    Now, I’m torn… Am I more addicted to traffic or LG?

    Of course if you never come back, you won’t know if I ever posted about her. Hmmmmm….

  9. Bella says:

    You can’t just NOT talk about LG. I just found your blog and became addicted to it! I need someone to talk about Gilmore Girls with! NOOOOOOOOO.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *