a little knowledge for all y'all

Here at PeterDeWolf.com I like to make you laugh. I like to make you think. I like to entertain. I like to show that despite being a grown-ass man, I am a bit girly at times, apparently.

And I like to educate.

I did a lot of research before starting this post.

A LOT.

I take these things very seriously.

There’s a little known annual tradition. And I hope that by explaining it’s origins to you, you’ll be more likely to take part in it next year, and for many years to come.

It began back when buffaloes roamed the plains. Or maybe it was bison. Probably both. And possibly some wild horses.

[Have you ever wondered where that “wild horses couldn’t drag me” saying comes from? I mean, how do they think they are going to get all these horses pulling in the same direction at the same time? THEY ARE WILD.]

A little known tribe of Native Americans was living and raising their children in Missoura.

Or, what we now call…

Kansas.

Like many other tribes, they had numerous nature-based gods.

They also warred with other tribes. Sometimes over petty reasons. For example, there was one bloody battle that began when a young man causally remarked, “That chick puts the “ass” in Assiniboine.”

It really was quite lovely. Like a ripe peach. I’ve seen paintings.

Every autumn, they had a feast and all-night celebration to pay tribute to the god of the forest — who they called… “Gordon.”

It started by finding the most attractive of all the tribe virgins.

At first they’d normally spot, and rule out, non-virgins by their overly tight deerskin outifts and the fact that they were smoking by the poop tree and wearing too much eagle-droppings mascara.

But, after a few class-action discrimination lawsuits, they decided that they should have a more scientific standard.

They began to use a young single warrior. He would have the sex with the woman. He was trained to feel if they were a virgin or not. If they felt a certain way, then they were a virgin. If they didn’t, then they weren’t. There wasn’t a high turnover rate for his job.

In either event, things would get a little awkward on the buffalo hunt afterward. She’d keep waiting for him to send her a smoke signal. He’d tell her he’d been busy planning a new face paint design for battle. “The white man is sending us some blankets. The chief wants me to go pick them up. I’m just trying to get ahead, you know. Focus on my career.”

Once a virgin was found, she was brought to the edge of the forest. She was given a parchment with a message to Gordon on it.

Since they had no written language of their own — and only knew English, French and a smattering of German, for some reason — their written communication was based on crude drawings.

On her parchment were illustrations of the following…

[eagle]
[deer]
[fire]
[penis
[penis]
[Rosie O’Donnell]
[bear crap]

And this loosely translated to:

“Show yourself! Stop hiding in the woods and listening to us tell our stories about getting hopped up on tea made from strange roots and making out with any fur trader with kind eyes.”

And, of course, this annual tradition is what we now call…

Delurk Day.

(Yes, it was yesterday. I just don’t like following rules.)

So, hey, delurk!

But, I know it is awkward to comment without something to say. So….

I want to know two things:

1) What is the most embarrassing song on your current playlist? (Me — Wham’s “Careless Whisper.”)

2) What article of clothing do you love, but never want anyone to see you wearing in public? (Me — a purplish Club Monaco sweatshirt that is over a decade old. The collar and cuffs are full of holes and barely hanging on, and the tensile strength of the shirt itself is only slightly greater than that of a wet Kleenex.)

Regulars can answer too!

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52 Responses

  1. lspoon says:

    1)I think everyone would think my entire playlist is embarrassing seeing as it’s all showtunes. It’s difficult to choose just one.

    2) A tshirt (from a broadway show)that on the front says “there’s a moment you know…” and on the back it says “You’re Fucked!” I cannot wear it in public for fear of getting hit by many a handbag.

  2. STP says:

    1) Girl You Know It’s True – listened to it on the way to work. RIP Rob!

    2) My very first Purdue University sweatshirt. Front of the next cut so the hood wouldn’t choke me, hole in pouch from getting caught on a nail at the bookstore I worked at while in school, holes in the sleves from my razor sharp elbows and wrists are worn from covering my hands in the cold. LOVE IT!

  3. Michelle and the City says:

    1) probably something by the backstreet boys. or no diggity by blackstreet (god i love that song)

    2) a sweatshirt that i just got for christmas that says [My Last Name] University. yeah something i would never wear in public but wear it every night to sleep. so soft and warm! :)

    happy national delurking week!

  4. lfar says:

    I’m glad we can talk about the tensile strengths of our clothing items.

    1. That song from my best friend’s wedding “The moment I wake uppp, before I put on my make uppp. I say a little prayer for you!”

    Lspoon- I love spring awakening!

    2. Ummm… that’s hard. Two questions, seriously. Most people are giving one very open ended query. You ask too much of us, Peter. I guess all pyjama pants. They’re ALWAYS too short (long legs = only useful when mini skirts are involved) but always comfortable. It’s not like I would wear them out even if they were the proper length. So this answer is a cop out.

  5. Peter says:

    lspoon: I pretty much hate show tunes and musical theatre in general, but I love the sound of that t-shirt!

    stp: For some reason I stick my thumbs through the holes in the wrists of my sweatshirt. I may be nuts.

    michelle: No Diggity! I think I’m going to listen to that right now. I just finished listening to Snow’s “Informer.” No shame!

  6. m says:

    hello peter, you blog makes me laugh, and i fully admit to tearing up over your adorable uncle antics.

    1. i was just expressing my love of r. kelly’s (remix to)ignition to my roommate last night, and he told me “that’s pretty embarassing.” (probably in response to my reciting all the words.)
    2. i apparently have no shame. i’ll go out in almost anything, due to extreme laziness when it come to the laundry. although the pj shorts i am wearing right now probably are a no-go, as they barely cover my butt and completely see-through. but i did consider wearing them over tights the other day, so you never can tell with me.

  7. Clink says:

    THANK GOD. The universe has righted itself.

    Moving on:

    1) Step by Step by NKOTB (that’s New Kids on the Block, for those of who were not awesome like me in the 90’s)

    2) My first pair of Seven jeans that literally have holes in the crotch. I may or may not have worn them out in public but rest assured, if I did, I was very conscious about keeping my legs closed.

  8. Peter says:

    lisa: Open-ended questions? Sucks to that. My blog, my rules!

    clink: I… didn’t know what to do when my blog was down. It was a dark time. I’m no seamstress, but couldn’t you stitch ’em up?

    m: Thanks for the nice words! And welcome to the non-lurky side of the room! And, trust me, I have much more embarrassing music than R. Kelly. Though they don’t bring to mind urinating nearly as much…

  9. Mia says:

    1)The theme song from The Hills, Natasha Beddingfield’s “Unwritten”, I freakin love that song. It’s so cheesy, and poppy, and “you-go-girl,” but I love it.

    2) Leggings. So easy, so comfortable, and so ruined by Lindsay Lohan.

  10. Dawnsname says:

    1)I’m not allowed to make my own playlists anymore according to my 15-year-old after she heard the one with “Anything for Love” on it.
    2)A t-shirt from the first concert I attended…it has more holes than fabric.

  11. pessimisticredhead says:

    1. Paris Hilton, Stars Are Blind OR Next, Too Close.
    2. A 101 Dalmations onesie, complete with feeties and a trap door ass opening. Yes, it fits. But it’s too hot to sleep in.

  12. JenBun says:

    OK, I’ve commented before and I’ll comment again, so this isn’t really de-lurking, but I know you’re curious:

    (1) Who the hell gets embarrassed by what music they listen to? I wouldn’t classify anything as embarrassing but, hey, it’s almost impossible to embarrass me! I guess the most random song in my playlist is… “The Cuss Song” by Blink 182. I usually have to sing [scream] along with it, which makes me look like a badass with Tourette syndrome. Maybe I should be embarrassed about that?

    (2) Favorite piece of clothing that I wouldn’t wear out in public? My prom dress. OK, really, it’s a pair of sweatpants that I stole from my brother [who is a foot taller than me, much like yourself, but taller]. They are so long they tuck under my feet when I walk, but they are SO cozy!

  13. penny says:

    pete…is it really delurking day? I listen to a lot of musical theater (go lspoon!) but:
    1)’All I Want for Christmas is to get Crunk’ or I listened to ‘MmmBop’ at rehearsal last night.

    2) plaid pj pants with ‘california’ written on the butt. hee.

  14. Max says:

    1) P.I.M.P., 50 Cent. I like hip hop when running, okay? Sheesh.
    2) Sweatpants. As my best friend’s dad always says, if you go out in public wearing sweatpants you’ve given up on life.

  15. poodlegoose says:

    Hi, this is the first time I’ve visited yoru site, though I read your comments fairly regularly on Molly’s site (even though I don’t know her either). Anyway, to keep up the spirit of the day, I thought I’d answer your questions.

    1. Oh, god. There are so many “embarrassing” songs. There are many Broadway showtunes and I think Hanson’s first album is on there somewhere and quite a few video game soundtracks (Final Fantasy, Metroid Prime, Zelda, etc) and a lot (a lot, a lot) of int’l metal (think: Dragonforce, Hammerfall, etc). But I still love them all.

    2. A really long, unflattering blue skirt. It is the most comfortable thing I own, but it makes me look like a huge bag.

  16. thecasualperfectionist.com says:

    Hi! I can’t remember if I’ve commented before, so if not, here I am! If so, here I am again! :)

    I have The Rawhide Theme song in my playlist. It’s for my toddler. (Honest.) I wrote about it on my blog, so I’ll spare you the details here.

    And, my faux Crocs are the most comfortable shoes in the whole world. I only wore them in public a couple of times when I was big and pregnant and no one dared say anything (out loud) for fear I would sit on them with my basketball belly. Luckily for everyone else, they’ve been safely inside my house for two years now. :)

  17. Damned Hippie Feminist says:

    1)The Rainbow Connection, but the version by Me First and the Gimme Gimmes (as opposed to the Muppets – this lets me feel like a grown-up even though I still picture Kermit sitting in a swamp every time I listen to it)

    2)A pair of flannel pajama pants that are two sizes too big and cut suspiciously like the pants MC Hammer used to wear. They have pockets in them which are perfect for holding a lighter and pack of cigarettes for when I step outside to smoke at three am when my neighbors should be sleeping instead of surprising the crazy woman from 2D who is standing on the sidewalk, smoking a cigarette, and trying to duck behind the bushes.

  18. Damned Hippie Feminist says:

    Oh, and I’ve enjoyed lurking on your blog for several months now – keep up the good work, even the girly-man stuff!

  19. Susie says:

    1) All Backstreet Boys and Britney albums (um, I got every one of these from the ex bf…except the most recent Britney, which I got from his best friend. Hmmm.) My friends also like to make fun of me for all the hardcore screaming music on my iTunes. My friend gave it to me after forcing me to watch harcore bands at Warped Tour, and I laughed and then strangely started to enjoy it.

    2)Hmmm. All of my clothes are cute. JK. Seriously though I have this t-shirt that has gliterry puffy painted fish on it. When I was a kid, I was convniced it was my “lucky shirt” and when I got older I wouldn’t let my mom throw it out. Soo it’s still in my closet and I really don’t think I can throw it out!

  20. Rachel says:

    1) Beauty and the beast….

    2)my favourite primark knickers… they say ‘I love boy shorts’ on them and there is a very large whole in the wrong place where I had a bit of an accident.

  21. mindy says:

    Wouldn’t the virgin be a non-virgin if she had to have sex with someone to find out if she was a virgin?

    You just don’t think sometimes, Peter. Really.

  22. mcgee says:

    1.) we belong – pat benatar
    2.) a XXL captain morgan’s t-shirt i got free at a bar that i sleep in

    happy weekend =)

  23. sissa1218 says:

    1. the campfire song song from an episode of spongebob squarepants.

    2. my 8 year old yoga pants. they have more holes than a lace doily but i just can’t part with them.

  24. Miss Pickle says:

    1) The theme song from The Littlest Hobo. Gawd I loved that show.

    2) a tan sweater that is long and has a moose pattern on the bottom hem…and has strings for the hood with pom poms at the end of them. Sounds worse than it actually is. My brother once asked when it became cool to wear potato sacks in public…ever since then, it’s become a “home only” item.

  25. A Lil' Irish Lass says:

    I love you more and more with each post, Peter.

    1. "Muskrat Love" by Captain & Tenille

    2. I have a tee-shirt that says “Prose Before Hos” underneath a picture of Shakespeare. I love it, but it seems to embarrass everyone I’m with. Unless they are in a PhD program.

  26. Mel says:

    1. I think I have deleted… nope… I know its horrible
    PCD -“Dontcha” I swear I am not a 16 year old slut.

    2. The t-shirt I won for a now de-funct country radio station. I have never worn it but I can’t get it out of my closet.

  27. skinny says:

    1) i haven’t really opened my iTunes since i got to the US, but my playlist mainly consists of music from the 80s, so i guess most of it is embarrassing.

    2) a super short mini-skirt in black lace. i bought it because it looks very nice and well made, but i’ve never worn it as i’m too old to wear thing that slutty.

  28. Michelle Ann says:

    1) The most embarrassing song on my current playlist…Bee Gees, More Than a Woman

    2) It’s a tie…because they comprise an outfit. The first is a Jockey black tank top that I have had for 18 years. At this point it is almost completely see through, but it’s also the softest it has ever been. It goes with a pair of black cotton drawstring shorts from Target with a big bleach spot on the front.

    Screw Victoria’s Secret!

  29. B2G says:

    #1) “Smack That” by Akon. Mostly because when people tap into my iTunes at work, it’s the first song they see, right above Al Green.

    #2) My t-shirt that says “Make 7” on the front and “Up Yours” on the back. I don’t think I’ve ever worn it outside.

  30. Patryce says:

    1)I wouldn’t really say I have anything particularly embarassing on my iPod. Maybe NSYNC…

    2)A sweater from Roots (a Canadian clothing company).I’ve had it for years now, and much like your sweatshirt, mine is barely holding on.

    I love your blog Peter, it’s always great for a laugh.
    I’m also from Canada, I live in Toronto!

  31. J says:

    Hi! I’ve been reading for a few months now (linked from Jamelah, I think), and I have loved every post. So thank you, and sorry for lurking!

    1)I have two entire Celine Dion albums on my iPod. Shameless.

    2)I have some salmon-colored sweatpants that are really soft and also hideously ugly. Too bad.

  32. nicole says:

    Well I’m Nicole and I’m delurking. I found you from Clink and you make me laugh out loud, so I keep reading! But as I told Clink, I have comment anxiety…I never find my comments to be interesting enough, so I don’t hit publish much.

    1)The Dawson’s Creek soundtrack features in a couple of my current playlists.

    2)some Atlanta Braves shorts that just are not at all flattering or well cut, but I love me some Braves and they work, so I don’t throw them out.

  33. srah says:

    1) Right now it’s probably “Man of La Mancha Medly” by Scott Bakula. Whee! I’m cool.

    2) I bought a “Meat is Murder – Tasty, Tasty Murder” t-shirt, which I love but I’m afraid to wear it for fear of offending vegetarians.

  34. The Stormin Mormon says:

    Pete, love the writing as always. Just for the simple reference to “if she smokes, she pokes.”

    PS: Tagged you for a meme on my blog. Play along if you feel like it.

  35. americangirl says:

    Hi, de-lurking. Found your blog through Clink and Molly. Your writing never fails to make me laugh.

    1) I’m gonna go with “Piece of Me” by your dear Britney.

    2) A ratty old beach cover-up dress that I wear around my apartment or while doing my hair and makeup before I go out. So breezy and comfortable, but not in public.

  36. Tia says:

    1) “toxic” by everyone’s favorite trainwreck. what? it’s a good dance around the house song.

    2) i have a t shirt that says “italian girls: best in the world” that i’ve had since 6th grade. it actually fits me correctly now.

  37. Coal Miner's Granddaughter says:

    1) “What Time Is It?” – High School Musical 2. Don’t ask.

    2) Mary Poppins-themed pajamas. I’m 35. Don’t need the general public seeing me in those… Friggin’ Walt Disney!

  38. DrunkBrunch says:

    Hi, long-time reader, first time commenting, maybe?

    1. Oh man. I have “Move Your Feet” by Junior Senior on my playlist. It’s this really catchy song from Dance Dance Revolution. My ex downloaded it, I swear.

    2. Plaid pants. My friends have asked me to stop wearing them around the city because they can see me coming a mile away.

  39. distractedspunk says:

    1. God Must Have Spent a Little More Time on You, N’Sync.
    2. This is more an outfit, but a soccer t-shirt from fifth grade (I have no idea how I fit into something from four cup sizes and about eight inches ago), and a pair of gray shorts that have holes everywhere – namely, my butt – also from fifth grade. My body is a wonderland.

  40. Airam says:

    Hi I’m a lurker. I found you on a website called Top 10 Maritimer Blogs of All Time – Canadian Edition. I’ve been reading you since the height of disco. I think you are dynomite!

    1) No embarassing songs. I love them all.

    2)My PJ’s with pictures of poodles on it.

  41. non-Blondie says:

    1) Black Eyed Peas – My Humps. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

    2) My cleaning pants – black sweat pants that used to be publicly wearable (to go down to the supermarket on a sunday morning) until one day after cleaning the bathroom I sat down & noticed that the knees were completely red – bleached! At least I know my bathrooms clean though! I still wear them in the house when our flatmates aren't home.

  42. seven says:

    1) The entire Little Mermaid soundtrack (“Look at this stuff… isn’t it neat?”).

    2) Things have to be pretty bad for me to not wear them in public (if Max’s theory is correct, I’ve already given up on life… I go somewhere in sweatpants like at least once a week), but the worst thing I own would probably be a huge t-shirt that loudly proclaims, “100 WORKOUTS!!!” from Curves (though I’ll wear that in public if I have a hoodie over it… I’m so lazy).

  43. Meghan says:

    ..And delurk I shall. You’re an excellent writer, keep it
    up :)

    1) Wannabe-Spice Girls
    2.)Grey sweatpants with a hole in the crotch. Used for singular sleep nights.

  44. Jaek says:

    1)America, Fuck Yeah! from the Team America World Police Soundtrack.

    2)I have this really comfortable long sleeve, collared, poloish type sweat shirt thing with a weird pocket on the chest that is super comfortable, but no one likes it…not even my children.

    I have been reading you casually since some time ago. I found you through IB through Stacey.

  45. kelsi says:

    dude. i can’t believe that i just blogged about the item of clothing that i would never wear in public. this heinous (and fantastic) blue sweatshirt is making my night.
    and i’m proud of every single song on my current playlist. even salt ‘n’ pepa’s shoop.

  46. Tobie says:

    1. How many licks? – Lil’ Kim

    2. Hot pink old lady stretchy pants that are so comfortable to laze around the house in.

    Love your blog!

  47. anonymous says:

    Hi, I’m Madeleine. I comment sometimes, but I always come up as anonymous. I am too technologically inept and lazy to set it up so that my name appears.

    1)’Gaston’ from the beauty and the beast. It makes me laugh – “I use Antlers in all of my de-cor-ating!” – but I have to be very careful not to sing out loud.

    2)I hoard pretty badly so I own a lot of clothing no one should ever see. The worst is probably a pair of lady bug shorts I stole from my sister when she was 11 and I was 14. They have stretched as I have grown and are so comfy… They have never been worn in public, but various housemates’ visitors have seen me in them around the house and probably been scarred for life.

  48. Becky says:

    1) What is the most embarrassing song on your current playlist? — That would have to be Wham’s Wake me up before you go go… It’s in my gym playlist, and it’s got a good beat, at least that is what I tell myself.

    2) What article of clothing do you love, but never want anyone to see you wearing in public? — I have this awesomely hideous pair of lounge pants with the “one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish” type pattern on them from the Dr. Seuss book. My kids picked them out one year for me, and they are the most god-awful ugly things but they are so comfortable and the kids love them…

  49. KH says:

    1) Die Alone – Ingrid Michaelson: I don’t love the track but I’m obsessed with the album and often will leave it on repeat for 2-3 cycles: as soothing as an icepic to the melon, although less permanent a solution.
    2) A pink pajama t-shirt that says, “How can I love you if you won’t go away?” in silver bubble letters.

  50. pbandrazz says:

    i'm erin. i don't think i've ever commented before but have been reading for awhile (found you through clink & molly and some other lovely ladies who i have been reading for awhile).

    1) Careless Whispers is not embarrassing. It’s definitely on my playlist. More embarrassing than Wham? Well, about The Carpenters Love Songs album?

    2) I have a tshirt that says “I saw it on CNN.com”. I sleep in this. Once I wore it to a yoga class and felt like a huge loser.

  51. Elisabeth says:

    1) The Hanson Christmas album

    2) An orange cowboy hat.

  1. January 12, 2009

    […] I wrote a post about it last year. […]

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