a little dating advice for the ladies

As you get older, a couple of things happen.

1) Your hair gets a little grey. (And by “a little grey,” I mean that some mornings your pillow looks like you had a vigorous, yet respectful, threesome with Anderson Cooper and Paula Deen.)

2) You gain a bit of wisdom about relationships.

I have a relationship theory. I actually have a few, but for the sake of saving some blog fodder for future posts, I am going to tell you one.

“A lot of people start out looking for the wrong type of person.”

These are often the same people who keep wondering why their relationships never last.

I’ve done it. I’ve gotten involved with women who were TERRIBLE fits for me. And I did it while simultaneously writing on my blog about an “ideal” girl who actually would have been a great fit for me. (And is!)

For the sake of this post, I’m mainly going to focus on SOME women looking for the wrong types of guys. Mostly because the majority of my readers are women. (But partially because I figured I could make more jokes this way.)

Over the years I have had a lot of female friends asks for advice on guys.

My standard, only half-kidding, replies are:

Avoid dating men who own more than five pairs of shoes in warm locales or six in cold.
Avoid dating men who shave anywhere below the neck. (Ron Swanson agrees!)
Avoid dating men who own an iron!

But sometimes I want to just ask if they really think the guy they’re describing seems like a good fit to them. It is often the same thing when I read blog posts about what single women are looking for in a man.

Date someone who is a good fit for you, not your favourite “type.”

I don’t understand some of the things on their lists:

Financial ambition. Having a high-paying job doesn’t necessarily equal being ambitious. Just like how having little money doesn’t show a lack of ambition. Maybe he’s a starving artist, or works for a non-profit. And those hyper-driven business types are the guys that you complain about to your friends at happy hour because, “All he does is work!”

Men with fashion sense. Really? Who cares? And do you really want to share closet space?

Instead, women should look for things like:

Kindness
Curiosity
Supportiveness
Guys that check as many boxes on this list as possible: 20 Pieces of Advice for Women About Men.

My advice is to look for a guy who is a good, complimentary fit for you. Not someone who is a good fit for the fourteen year old girl who first dreamed up your fantasy man.

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14 Responses

  1. brianna says:

    Good points. I also constantly tell people (girls and guys) that often our own judgement of who is a good fit for us is terrible. It’s important to leave a window open for dating to surprise you.

    Also: if you’re tossing out perfectly respectable guys because they are too bald or too short then maybe you sort of deserve to be single.

  2. Eleni Zoe says:

    I used to have a list. It wasn’t terrible. But it wasn’t working either. So I scrapped it.
    These are really good things to put on my new list. Number One obviously being: “Totally into me.”

  3. Angela says:

    I’m totally against people saying they have a “type” unless their “type” is a living, breathing, conscious human who likes them. There is always an exception (or two or two hundred) to the rules you set. It’s like a horoscope or fortune cookie for your future – any situation and person can fit in a broad set of rules so open it up and enjoy.

  4. Andrea says:

    For men or women …

    Date/marry the person who makes you feel like a better version of yourself (not to be confused with making you feel like you should be someone else).

    Date/marry the person who you feel lucky to be with, but who also feels lucky to be with you (aka you ech think you got the better deal in the relationship).

    Date/marry the person you want to see every day for the rest of your life.

  5. Esther says:

    All of this. Yes. Thank you.

  6. Krystle says:

    Ummm…couldn’t love this more! I feel the longer I wait & years I put behind me, the more and more I know the actual traits that would be best suited for me. I no longer curse the years passing but rather welcome them and the clarity they bring. Amazing Post, Sir!

  7. Cassie says:

    It takes most people AGES to figure this out. I guess I’m lucky I learned it early on.

    Another piece of sound advice: Be the kind of person you’d like to date. Chances are, you’ll attract the keepers.

  8. Siddy says:

    This post is exactly what I’ve been saying. In my culture, my parents try and filter through all of the guys that aren’t a good fit for me and find the ones that are! It saves so much time and effort from wasting your time dating guys who are just not good for you! Yeah, I’m talking about arranged marriages, but i don’t think there’s any harm if providing option of potential fits? About me personally i’m really young in my early 20’s and I’ve never dated, but i often see alot of my friends dating guys who are just not respecting them! And when i tell me about my lifestyle, they just cant imagine marrying a guy who your parents choose.

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