An open letter to the gorgeous brunette in the purple bra in the Uncle Ben’s commercial whose meal was ready so quick, thanks to us living in a society obsessed with rushing, that she didn’t have time to finish getting dressed before having to run to the microwave:

Hey.

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  1. If we’re leaving messages, could you please say hello to the guy crossing Vine St and heading towards Pavillions and away from what could have been a beautiful partnership (with me)?

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