The funniest pick-up line I’ve ever heard some drunk dude use at a party is:
“I’ve got a blanket and a big back seat.”
That amused me.
However, I found it considerably less amusing that he mentioned it to my sister.
I am not a pick-up line guy. Or a line guy. Fiiiiine. Or even a pick-up guy, if you must know. Jerks.
Mostly I just kind of hang back and “act” like Snarky Q. McSarcasmo.
Then there is the very rare appearance of Sincere J. O’Verlyhonest.
Sincere J. O’Verlyhonest says whatever pops into his head. He might say something like, “Wow. You’re kinda gorgeous” without thinking about how the person might feel about this news, or the setting, or any potential good or bad results.
I don’t let him out very often.
Snarky Q. McSarcasmo is always around. But, I have been trying to train him to be less of a jerkface. He almost never goes on ten minute rants any more when someone asks him if he likes “Family Guy.”
It’s a journey.
An old story that sums up Snarky pretty well, took place in university. I was out at a bar with a friend of mine that was visiting from out of town. I was dancing with a girl. She was cool. Saucy. Very, very pretty. Things were going surprisingly well.
Then she mentioned that she had just graduated from a rival university. Snarky bit his (my?) tongue.
But, then she said something else about her school. Something that just BEGGED to be commented on.
Everything stopped. Everyone was frozen. It was silent.
Suddenly Angel Snarky and Devil Snarky appeared on each of my shoulders.
Angel Snarky: Peter, look at her. She’s stunning.
Devil Snarky: You HAVE to say it.
Angel Snarky: She seems very nice too.
Devil Snarky: You’ll never forgive yourself for missing the chance.
Angel Snarky: You are better than this.
Devil Snarky: You’re twenty. You’re not going to marry this chick. Besides, you are going to LOVE telling this story to your friends.
Angel Snarky: Fuck it. Dude’s right. Give ‘er shit.
So, I said it. And she turned and left.
I immediately told my friend and we laughed like fools.
And then I grabbed a slice of pizza and walked home alone.
I have to be honest though. If I would have known I’d have a blog at some point, I wouldn’t have even delayed saying it for as long as I did.
It really is a journey.
Do YOU have a go-to line?
I once used “I like your nose.” (Successfully!!!)